So as I sit down reflecting on 2019 I am thinking more of the past decade and how much my life has changed. This isn’t going to a be a photography blog – there will be plenty of other wedding and family photographers summing up their years – hopefully this will inspire at least one person to really look at themselves and find out what it is that will make them truly happy.
Roll back a whole 10 years – I was a 35 year old wife & mum to two daughters, working as a team leader in a workplace that sucked the life out of me. I was a size 32 and was literally comfort eating myself to death
This picture was taken in Dec 2010 – it makes me so sad to look at this but also immensely proud of how far I have come in my life since then. This photo was taken to mark the start of my weight loss journey before I had a gastric bypass. This was to be my magic key to being thin. Yes I lost 4 stone relatively quickly but then had to work really hard at the gym to lose another 6 stone during 2011.

During 2011 my now ex husband & I had to have the hardest conversation with our girls, telling them that their lives would be changing massively. I still think this was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do in my life & for years after, I felt an immense sense of guilt at the heartache I had caused to both my girls and their dad. It took a few years to really come to terms with this.
It was in the summer of 2012 that I hit rock bottom, emotionally & physically. I just couldn’t cope with everyday life. I really needed time to heal from my marriage breakdown and also from working in a toxic environment. I battled on for another couple of months till I just coudnt’t continue any longer. I took a weeks annual leave, which turned into 3 months sick leave. A lot of you will already know that it was during that weeks leave that I discovered my love of photography when someone loaned me their camera to try & get me out and about in the fresh air. Photography literally made me feel alive & the minute the camera was put away I was back to feeling low again. I learnt a lot during that 3 months about other people too and had never felt so alone. My friends were also my work colleagues and their feeling was that if I was fit to take photographs I should be in work. Ironically, the day I returned back into work from sick leave, they had a meeting with someone about the mental health & well being of their teams – yet I was ignored by most of them and made to feel like I was a nobody. If I had a leg in a plaster cast & on crutches I am sure I would have been treated differently but they actually did me a favour. I knew that I was in the wrong place and it made my decision to hand in my resignation a no-brainer.
The only other thing that I was half decent at was taking photographs, so I decided to start my own photography business which officially opened on 2nd January 2013. I concentrated on being a wedding photographer capturing local couples in Larne, Co Antrim & across the rest of Northern Ireland. Roll on 3 1/2 years & I was super proud to open my photography studio where I was now able to offer family portrait sessions and newborn sessions, which were made even more special by the fact that a lot of my brides and grooms asked me to capture their little ones.
Fast forward to 2019, one of the most pivotal years in my life so far. I found myself in another failing relationship and had just started studying for an MA in Photography. I was flat out working in the studio & had a really important project to start for my MA. So off I travelled to Tyrella Beach & Ballykinler, where I came from before I was adopted as a toddler. My project was about belonging. I took two photographs that were to lead to my life changing dramatically. I was to find myself hitting rock bottom again.


It was at this stage that my life changed dramatically. I went through an intense course of Timeline Therapy with a local hypnotherapist & life coach. This was to be my turning point. Dealing with my adoption and the ultimate type of rejection, from biological parents. My whole life had been full of thoughts of no self worth, not being good enough, constantly seeking approval etc & this was despite the fact that I was adopted by two of the best parents. My timeline therapy helped me deal with all those issues, helped me to not eat based on my emotions. Do you remember I had lost all that weight back in 2011… well I ended up putting a lot of it back on .. down to that old thing called “comfort eating”. I joined my local slimming world group and with the emotional eating switched off I found myself losing weight again but more importantly starting to believe in myself, believing that I was worthy to be loved, that I deserved to do well in life. I have achieved goals this year that I didn’t think were possible in both my personal and my business life, I am in a happy place with my life & am hoping to be able to share that with others through 1:1 business mentoring for photographers.
So this decade started off with me unhappy, eating myself to death & ends with me 9 stone lighter, 8 dress sizes smaller, with a successful business, two beautiful daughters who are growing up far too quickly, an amazing partner who I wish I had met a long time ago, & about to embark on training to become a Wedding Celebrant.
So I suppose my message (if you’ve read right through to the end) is to never lose faith in yourself, surround yourself with people who build you up and who are genuinely happy when you succeed in life.
I cant wait to see what the next decade brings
Happy New Year
Caroline
xx
